The bulletin from the ceremony.
Each family got up to say their baby (ies) name and light a candle in memory of them. I said "Baby Klubnik- June 2010" and Jon said "Michael David and Jake Thomas Sept. 7, 2010" as we lit our candle.
The big candle was lit for every baby that was miscarried, was stillborn, and that died within the first year of life. Then the single candle is left unlit to symbolize all the families that will be joining us next year. That REALLY hit me because last year, we had no idea that this would happen and so many others will go through what we went through in the coming year. Then they too may find themselves lighting a candle for their baby instead of changing a diaper, or waking up at 3am to feed them, or to kiss their sweet little face.
A candle will have to do for now.
At the time I am writing this, I should be almost 37 weeks pregnant with the twins. Christmas is 11 days away which will be exactly 38 weeks (with twins, Dr.s usually won't let you go past that). I don't know if it is possible to die from sadness- but at times I feel that way. Not just from our boys dying, but with so much in my life right now. Sometimes I just feel SO tired emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually- everything. It's funny how as Christians we have learned how to put on a mask and not really allow others into our personal lives. Like somehow we are supposed to have everything together all the time... In case you didn't know already (HA)- I don't, we don't and our life is hard. Do I have hope of eternity- yes, do I still have an earthly body and life-yes! I am so thankful for all the wonderful support I/we have had because honestly without it... I don't even want to think about it.
So for now, a candle will have to do. Oh how I miss those little guys!
5 comments:
Tiffany - that sounds like a beautiful ceremony. Oh I how I wish your precious babies would be spending Christmas with you this year, but I hope you have some peace in knowing they will be wrapped tightly in the arms of the One who is the ' reason for the season.' Find your comfort there, too! He is with you always. :)
praying for you! I love that there are such memorials to recognize the preciousness of life and to provide a special way for parents to honor their children in this way.
I am glad you found this group and am so thankful that they are helping with the healing process. what a beautiful night to share with you and your babies. You never have to put a mask on with me...(you know I don't!) I miss them too and I never even met them!! I just want them to be in your arms this Christmas too.....God had other plans for them and life will never be the same for you, but you can always count on me (and the other girls) to support and encourage you.
What a beautiful ceremony to remember your precious boys. I think about you every day and know that this will be a hard time of year for you. You are in my prayers sweet friend!
Tiffany - we have continued to follow and pray for all of you. I wanted to share a friend's blog post as she writes on the darkness of Christmas. On what it's like when Christmas isn't "merry." She is a wonderful friend and writer. I read your post right after I read her's and thought you might resonate with some of what she is saying.
http://talesfromthebeckleyviningstudio.blogspot.com/2010/12/when-christmas-isnt-merry-but-its.html
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