Allie is almost 2!

Allie's personality is starting to really show these days!  She LOVES to help with anything and everything, and sometimes wants to do it all by HERSELF!  She is usually really sweet about it and will say "no, mommy" in her sweet little voice when she wants to do it herself!  Sometimes it makes me laugh and sometimes I have to tell her no because it's too much for her to do (or dangerous) and she is not happy about that!

Some of the things she can do on her own:
Take off and put on her shoes (almost always the right feet)
She even put her socks on a couple of times
Take off all of her clothes and diaper
Feed herself with a fork or spoon (and not make a mess) and even wipe the side of her face w/ the spoon
Drink from a regular cup and water bottle without spilling
Carry everything for MDO (lunch kit, bag, and nap mat)

 She carries things up high...  She let me carry her nap mat this day!

Get food out of the pantry and put it in a bowl for her to eat
Clean up her toys (although she prefers to help us do it instead of us helping her!)
She even makes Jon put away the TV tray if he leaves it out  :O)

She is also very adventurous and loves to do things that scare me!
She now goes to the top of the huge indoor play areas (like Stomping grounds) by herself and slides down the huge slides by herself.
She prefers the big kid swings and wants to go really high on them
She wants to walk by herself and not hold my hand out in public
She wants to stand on the side of the shopping cart or ride in the car that is on the front of some so she can get out all the time.
She climbs up and down the stairs very quickly (less than 1 minute) and unless the gate is up will do so whenever she feels like it

New things she is learning/doing:
LOVES to read books now and wants to read all the time
loves playing with play doh and will for 30 + minutes at a time
She is always playing pretend with her babies and her kitchen

We started "your baby can read" series and she has picked up on a few words. (I even caught her the other day trying to teach her baby with the flash cards!)
loves painting and coloring
She is starting to recognize a few letters
Loves singing songs and doing "Ring around the rosie" with us and her babies
She says simple sentences and copies everything we say and do (she even told me "good job, Mommy")
She likes to say "excuse me" when she needs to get around you

Things she is NOT doing:
She has not hit me or pulled my hair in the past month (I think she knew I was upset but didn't know how to respond...)  This is huge because she was doing it A LOT.
She does not nap at MDO- instead she talks and sings to whoever is around her
Let me brush her teeth as she thinks she did a good enough job herself

Michael and Jake's First Christmas

 This was a very bittersweet sweet Christmas.  My last two posts were of all the happy times with Allie opening up presents and getting to be with family.  But that was only half of the story.  Our two little boys who were supposed to be making their grand appearance on Christmas day were not there.  It's hard to be completely joyful and happy when you miss your babies so much and you only got to know and hold them for such a short time; and I mean SHORT!  Our families were wonderful though and we could not have asked for more support and love!  Michael and Jake were remembered, loved, and missed!  Even though they got to spend Christmas in Heaven and they celebrated the real  "reason for the season"; it doesn't make me miss them less.
I can't show off newborn photos, but I can share with you the memories that we created this Christmas for them and with them.

 A friend of my mother's crocheted each boy a little blanket and  then another of her friend's got their names' embroidered on them!  She prayed for us the whole time she was making the blankets and they are SUPER sweet.  These blankets will be a treasure of mine/ours forever.

 My mom had these baby boy booties made with the boys' name and birthdate on them for their special Christmas tree.

I had decided after the boys died that I wanted to have a tree just for them and have family buy ornaments for it every year.  This was a way that they could participate in remembering them.  I had to put the tree on a table so Allie could not reach anything!

The boys' bears with hats on them that were made by a lady we don't even know (along with some other keep sake items that she made)!  They are perfect and another treasure to me...

 I found these Willow tree baby twins and had to have them!

 Under the tree.

 I love this picture because it reminds me that their short little lives' are still shining bright!  This tree has remained lit all day and all night for the past couple of weeks and I love being able to look at it all the time and think of our boys.  I wish each one of you could come over and I could show you all the ornaments and talk about our boys with you.  But since that is not possible, I will give you a tour online.

Noah's Ark ornament from Jon's parents'.  "Just as God called them two by two; God called our boys home together"

 These were the first ones I found for the tree.  The angel holding the baby is for our baby that we never got to meet and we have two with the hand holding the baby.  And actually, that is the size that they were!  They say "baby's first Christmas."  I am going to have their names' put on each one.

 These are the booties that matched the hats that we had the boys buried in.  Jake's are blue and Michael's are green

My mom also had this one made that has their names' and birthdate on it and "night night sweet little boys" on the back.

My super sweet friend, Allison, who has been a life saver to me during this time got this ornament for them.

Two pairs of mittens are also from my mom and dad.

Jon's brother's family got this silver locket ornament that has their names and birthdate engraved on the outside  with their pictures inside it.  Kim also got me a silver bracelet with "Michael David and Jake Thomas" engraved on the outside  and their birthdate on the inside

 I love how this looks in Black and white.

 My parents also got the baby blue/silver safety pin with their names and birthdate engraved on it.

I had this one made with the picture of them wearing their hats on them as we said goodbye, and on the back it says "Michael and Jake's 1st Heavenly Christmas 2010" 

 A co-worker from my FBBA days, Melissa, sent us this angel holding a baby (she didn't even know I was doing a tree!)  She has been so thoughtful and sweet to us!

The very first ornaments that I got for their tree are from a friend who lost her baby boy, Christian, this summer due to a cord accident.  She got one for both Michael and Jake.  We are so thankful for your friendship Mitzi and Glen!  Thank you for supporting us when you are hurting as well!

Although it is far from what we had dreamed and hoped for this Christmas, it was still  special.  Tomorrow I need to take down Christmas decorations, however, the Boys' tree may need to stay up a little longer.  I don't think I have the willpower to take it  down yet and I really don't want to put things in a box. not yet...

Christmas Day

This is how we spent Christmas Eve!  I felt bad for Jon after almost 2 hours of trying to put it together; so I helped him finish it.  We have officially been inducted into parenthood!

Christmas morning we took her into her playroom and she was so surprised!

Loves, loves it!  I knew she would like it because a friend has this exact kitchen and Allie loved playing with it at her house!

She had to open every door and look at everything.  She has been playing with it all the time and it is wonderful because she will entertain herself for  a LONG time and I can get things done.  It's also fun playing with her and seeing all the fun things she does!  She will put everything in one appliance and then take it all out and put it in another one!  She makes food for her baby and even puts things back right where they belong!

I got her a pink pots/pans set and if you look closely, you can see that she is feeding Elmo!

I didn't cook anything this year!  The only thing I did was help Jon with some stuffing.  Everyone else brought stuff and Jon cooked!  Jon roasted a turkey, my mom made a rib eye roast, and Jon's mom made a ham!!!  My dad even made deviled eggs!  Plus everyone made sides and dessert!  It was all sooooo yummy!  Thank you to everyone for making this so much easier on me this year!

I got her this  new stroller awhile back that was supposed to be for Christmas, but I couldn't wait and I gave it to her early! It has room for 4 babies to fit in it and if you look closely you can see that she has it full!  She is such the little mommy!

Amanda and Julia checking out Allie's new toys!  She even got the wooden high chair from Nana and Pops

Proof that my dad is loosing his hair!  :O)

More presents...  My parents got her the "Your Baby Can Read" program that is advertised on TV and so far she loves it and seems like she will pick it up pretty easily.  She remembers EVERYTHING and is very intuitive.

This is a doll that talks and has all these fun accessories for her that she interacts with.  Allie LOVES this SOOOOOOOOOOO much.  My brother's family got her this and  she is is heaven!

Already knew what to do!

This cracks us up!  She was waiting for us to take her toy out of the wrapper!  Not quite lady like, but really funny!

wooden pizza that has Velcro pieces- lot s of fun!

She was coloring with my dad

Amanda and Robyn- they really look alike now!

This is our little ham!  We had so much fun with Allie this Christmas!  We are so thankful for her and she really is a joy to have!  I am also so grateful for my family and friends who 

made this Christmas a little easier on us and for the special memories.  I realized that I didn't take many pictures and I didn't get any of Jon, myself and Allie together... Or of family for that matter!  I did get a lot of Allie though!

Below is our Christmas letter that I sent out this year.

Family and Friends,

This year has been filled with unexpected JOY and unexpected PAIN, of celebrating LIFE and of grieving DEATH, of LOVING our sweet little girl and of MISSING our dear little boys.

God has blessed us and God has taken away from us.   God has stretched us and God has broken us.  

This year at Christmas, I can’t help but think of how the first Christmas felt for Mary and Joseph.  When I really stop and think about the circumstances facing the birth of Jesus, I realize that Mary must have lost family and friendships; as very few would believe her about how she became pregnant!  And Joseph must have faced ridicule for going through with the marriage to Mary from his family and friends.  They must have become outcasts in their own little town. 

Maybe God sent them away from family when Jesus was to be born so that Mary didn’t have to face the comments of others and the loneliness of not having her baby being welcomed into this world. 

Mary must have questioned God’s purpose for choosing her and for putting her through such shame of getting pregnant out of wedlock.  She must have wondered if His promises were really true! She must have wondered what good could come from bringing such heartache upon her and her family.  Why God would choose to bring His son into a situation that caused so much pain for his earthly parents is beyond me…

The heavens were celebrating the birth, but I find it hard to believe that Mary was.  She was well aware of the implications this would bring upon her and her family.  She must have been scared and must have wondered how she was going to be able to do all that was being required of her and Joseph.

But God did send the shepherds right away and the wise men later to reassure them of His promises and His goodness.  Was it enough?  Was their faith tested during those first couple of years?

 

We also have so many questions about why God would choose us?  Why would He allow such hurt in our lives?  Why doesn’t He show us the bigger picture?  And why would He choose to bring Glory to Himself through our pain?

It is with a heavy heart that we approach Christmas this year.  Having Michael and Jake leave this world so abruptly was not in our plans, even though we know they are in a better place.  The pain and empty arms are still with us here on earth. However, unlike Mary and Joseph, we have been surrounded by family and friends who love us and support us.  We have had “strangers” come and help us through the hard times and bring us gifts of comfort and of hope.  Jon and I have to cling to God’s promises and we have to believe that what He chose to do was not only for our good, but for the good of many others-even if we don’t see it for many years to come. 

On a much happier note; Allie is truly a blessing to us!  She brings so many smiles to our faces and such joy to our hearts!  In the past year, she has learned so many new things!  Her favorite things right now are: dogs (especially Ralph), Elmo, her babies and all baby related items, playgrounds, buses, airplanes, balls, bubbles, books, painting, dancing, making others laugh, bath time, going on adventures, riding a bike with Jon, her blanket and her binkie!   

At 22 months old, she already has her Daddy wrapped around her finger and she is the apple of his eye!  Every Dad needs a little girl!  It is so fun seeing Jon playing with her and making her laugh.  She gets so excited when she sees him walk to the back door and I know it melts Jon’s heart when she screams “Dada, DADA!!!!!”  She keeps us on our toes as she is a ball of energy wanting to explore the world around her!  She has Jon’s love of adventure and for adventurous foods, and my love of schedules and independent spirit!

I found this poem in our MEND (Mommies enduring neonatal death) newsletter and it brought tears to my eyes.  I have to believe that our babies are in heaven with Jesus right now-if I don’t, then my faith is useless!  I also have to believe that they are LOVING it there and their life is PERFECT in heaven. 

This is what I imagine our boys saying to us right now:

“We see the countless CHRISTMAS TREES

around the world below

with tiny lights like HEAVEN‘S STARS

reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so SPECTACULAR -

please wipe away that tear

for we are spending CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST

this year.

We hear the many CHRISTMAS SONGS

that people hold so dear

but the SOUND OF MUSIC

can‘t compare with the

CHRISTMAS CHOIR up here.

We have no words to tell you of the JOY their voices bring

for it is beyond description

to HEAR THE ANGELS SING.

We know HOW MUCH YOU MISS US,

we see the pain inside your heart

for we are spending CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST

this year.

We wish we could tell you of the SPLENDOR and

the PEACE here in this place

Can you just imagine

CHRISTMAS WITH OUR SAVIOR

face to face

We‘ll ask Him to LIFT YOUR SPIRIT

as we tell Him of your love

so then PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER

as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your HEARTS BE JOYFUL

and let your SPIRIT SING

for we are spending CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

and we are

walking WITH THE KING!”

May you be blessed this Christmas season as you are a blessing to others.

Much love,

Jon, Tiffany, Allie

&

Michael and Jake

                                                                                                                www.Klubniks.blogspot.com

Christmas Eve day with the Klubniks

Christmas Eve morning we went to Jon's parent's house for Blintz and sausage breakfast.  This is a Christmas tradition in Jon's family that goes back to  his Russian roots.  Peggi and Kim do a great job making them!  I have not attempted this great feat yet....  maybe in a couple of years!  :O)

The kids do such a great job playing with Allie!  Even Carson loved playing dolls with her!  (this will be blackmail one day I am sure!)

He is even smiling as he plays with her dollie!

favorite book - Elmo's Big Lift and Look Book!  All the Klubnik kids (Tod's family) loved this book and Allie HAS to read it EVERY night!  Now we have two.

Allie got into opening gifts very quickly!  and she was certain they were all for her and all had something Elmo in them!

Love at first site!

Jon's brother gave Jon his old Bozo clown doll that Jon had as a kid that has a pull string and talks.  He is very creepy looking though so I will spare you a picture of his face so you don't have nightmares!  Allie didn't mind him though!

Reed, Carson and Riley

Allie needed to double check to make there there was not an Elmo hiding in Aunt Kim's present!

Nana got her a Mickey backpack for school.  Too cute!
We went back home for nap time and were supposed to go to Christmas Eve service that night with everyone, but we didn't make it.  We let Allie open up her stocking.

Everything inside was Elmo!  I also found a cute airplane and bus for her.