December 3rd, we went to our second annual MEND Christmas candlelight service. We are always so impressed with the quality of everything this organization does and it really is a testimony to how much they care about our babies who are no longer with us on earth.
Each family goes up to the front and says "We remember (in our case) Baby Klubnik; miscarried June 2010, Michael David and Jake Thomas; born too early September 7, 2010." And we light a candle in remembrance of them.
Jon and I afterwards. The slender tall candle remains unlit to symbolize all the families that will be joining us in the next year on this new journey. We Hated seeing that candle last year and hate even more that 2 of my friends have lost their babies since that time.
I have been SO thankful and grateful for MEND this past year for so many reasons, but mainly because we have a way to celebrate and acknowledge their lives. Our children are a blessing from God so matter how long we have them here on earth and each time I go I remember that and it helps to focus on that.
I wish every one who has lost a child could be a part of a group like this because no one else can understand what it is like to be responsible for your child's life and yet not be able to do anything about it when something horrible goes wrong. Death is a part of life and we all know it is inescapable, but there is just something horribly wrong with giving birth knowing that they will never get to live a full life and in fact they will die in your arms.
I think in spite of all of this and everything we have gone through this past year, Jon and I are doing very well. As odd or bad as it may sound, I actually don't find myself missing them all the time. I have moments when it hits me; like taking pictures with Santa, doing our Christmas cards, and when Allie wants to kiss them goodnight (picture).
I know God had a purpose and a reason and we are OK with it. Someday we will know them and it will be so fun! So until that day comes....
2 comments:
Sounds like such a special way to remember your precious boys, especially this time of year. So glad you have a support group. I think time does heal the heart, or at least helps us deal with the hurt and pain in our own time. The tall slender candle really puts things in perspective, because you never know what trials God will give you. Your story has been an inspiration of hope for many, even myself. I love you and respect and honor your friendship. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
So now I am crying. I really had a lot to catch up on with your blog. What a beautiful beautiful event. I am so happy you have this group. How appropriate that you have an ornament to put on their tree at your house...
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